“By health I mean the power to live a full, adult, living, breathing life in close contact with what I love — the earth and the wonders thereof — the sea — the sun. All that we mean when we speak of the external world. I want to enter into it, to be part of it, to live in it, to learn from it, to lose all that is superficial and acquired in me and to become a conscious direct human being.
I want, by understanding myself, to understand others. I want to be all that I am capable of becoming so that I may be (and here I have stopped and waited and waited and it’s no good — there’s only one phrase that will do) a child of the sun. About helping others, about carrying a light and so on, it seems false to say a single word. Let it be at that. A child of the sun.”
– Katherine Mansfield
By my calculation, this is my 60th post on this blog. As those of you who have been with me since the beginning know, a lot has changed in me since I began this blog. And what it is that I have tried to share with you has changed too. My goals have, however, remained the same since the beginning.
I have never been afraid of being human . . . of revealing my weaknesses as readily as my strengths. I suppose it would be fair to say that I am a very transparent woman. I speak openly and honestly about my experiences in life and what they taught me. I speak sincerely about my feelings, those that are precious and beautiful and those that are unpleasant. I hide very little. It is a part of who and what I am.
I do it in hopes that my words might reach that one person who has felt so very alone, for so very long because they thought they were the only person in the world who felt that way or had those thoughts. It isn’t always easy for me to lay myself on the line the way I do . . . to expose my most private thoughts and feelings. But, if I were to pretend those thoughts and feelings were something they are not, it would not accomplish anything that is meaningful to me. It would not make the kind of difference I have hoped to make.
So much has happened in my life (especially over the last 3 years) that I could probably write about it for years to come. But I do not believe that is either necessary or in my best interest. In my book, I get very personal (much more so than I have here), and I share what I believe many others have experienced but have not dared discuss. I have also shared what I believe to be the cornerstones of healing, happiness, and self-realization. There is enough in the book to accomplish my goal of letting others in transition know they are not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
The book, together with the 59 other posts I have written here, should be enough to let readers know who I am and what I have to offer as a writer. It is time, I believe, for me to move on with my life and my writing and to let the words that have already been written speak for the past.
While I will be writing more in the future, my focus will be different. By my estimation, I have lived less than half of my life. There is so much ahead of me to experience and to share, with you and other readers.
But, first, I need to finish something that started 3 years ago.
I recently finished Jack Kornfield’s book, After The Ecstasy, The Laundry. It is an excellent essay on what one experiences on the spiritual path of awakening. In it, he says there is no such thing as Enlightenment Retirement. While I would certainly never profess to be “enlightened,” I understand exactly what he means. We have these incredibly illuminating spiritual experiences and everything seems to make such perfect and beautiful sense. But, like all revelations, the sense of complete awareness and wholeness we feel in these moments passes away, and we return to many of the “realities” that confused us so much in the first place.
We continue on our journeys, armed with new insights and new tools. But we still find ourselves arriving at one new crossroads after another, forced to make choices about the person we want to be and the life we want to live. Life is all about impermanence; and change occurs constantly. I have already experienced an incredible amount of change; but I know there is a lot more headed my way. Like Katherine Mansfield, I want to become all that I am capable of becoming. I want to become a child of the sun. Although I know it is an effort that will likely continue for decades, I believe there is significant progress to be made in the here and now.
Without going into detail, the next few months will be a very important time for me. I have reason to believe that what I will be going through between now and the end of summer will affect virtually every area of my life for years to come. I want to make the most of it all by giving it my full attention. As such, I need to take a break from the blog and, for the most part, social media for a while.
Of course, there is a part of me that is afraid to walk away, even temporarily. It has taken me a lot of time and energy to build up the readership for this blog. I suppose there’s some fear that I might log back on this summer and discover that you have all moved on. But that is a risk I will have to take.
I believe I will have much more to offer you when I return. If you have not already subscribed but are interested in future posts, I hope that you will subscribe today. I want to “see” you again.
In the interim, do this for me, please:
Live Free. Be Happy. And know that you are never, ever alone.
In love and light . . . .
Photo by Dez Pain